三年派驻匆匆过 疑把他乡作故乡

A three-year commitment loomed large when we were deciding whether to move to China. Agreeing to move so far away for so long was difficult to wrap our minds around -- I kept thinking it was almost as long as I went to high school or college, and pondering how old our kids would be and how much they would change while we were gone.

This was the final mental hurdle we had to clear before agreeing to the move, and Rebecca's boss-to-be eased the way by offering an escape hatch. 'If you really hate it,' he said, 'You can always leave early.' It was a simple promise that is probably always intrinsically true, but hearing it made all the difference, allowing us to make the leap with little anguish.

Shortly after we arrived, one of Rebecca's colleagues, Kathy Chen, who was starting her final year in Beijing, said, 'It goes so fast. Soon you'll be discussing whether or not to extend your stay.' That seemed like a preposterous statement at the time. But it was, of course, spot-on. It has now been almost exactly three years since we were wrestling with the decision to move to China, and it seems like the blink of an eye.

That's why we recently decided to extend our stay for a fourth year. For me, it was an easy decision. The three years that seemed so ominous turned out to be not nearly enough time to settle into a new life, enjoy an extended stretch of normalized day-to-day home and work life and do everything we want to in terms of travel, absorbing the culture of Beijing and really meditating on what it means to live so far from home.

I meet some people counting down the days until they return to their home country, but also many expats from all over with open minds and endless time horizons. Some people want to stay on their expat package for as long as possible and enjoy perks like free private-school education -- this seems particularly attractive to my British friends, most of whom would not send their kids to state schools. Others have started businesses or otherwise become deeply entwined in local life. Some people just love the fact that while living abroad there is always a little sense of adventure and a feeling like you're on perpetual vacation -- even the tough days tend to be interesting. And some people simply fear the prospect off repatriating to a home country from which they may have grown distant.

Kathy Lee, an Australian neighbor, was apprehensive about her family's initial three-year commitment. She is now in her seventh year here.

'After three years, my husband's employers asked him if he was up for another round and he said he was if I was, which shocked me,' says Mrs. Lee. 'I was scared to come here but now I feel that way about leaving this life -- only the pollution gives me pause and forces us to constantly reassess.'

In our decisions to extend, we are certainly not alone -- 26% of expats opt to continue their overseas assignment when the original term ends, according to GMAC Global Relocation Service's annual relocation survey of HR managers. 'We're seeing an increase in the number of people who stay on an assignment because they want to stay rather than because of a job necessity,' says GMAC's Scott Sullivan. 'People find they're good at their job, they like their position and life and they don't want to leave.'

Still, while I ended up having far more affinity for both life in China and the expat life than I could have known, my big-picture thoughts on returning to New Jersey when our time here is through haven't altered. I am no longer baffled when I meet people with no China exit strategy, or others planning on moving on in an apparently endless stream of foreign postings, but neither option is really for us. This is almost certainly the end of our foreign adventures, and that is why I am in no hurry to end this chapter of our lives.

One of the strange things about being on assignment for a defined time is the constant sense of a clock ticking away in the background. In our case, this isn't entirely metaphorical. There are several large digital clocks around Beijing counting down the days until the August 8, 2008, opening ceremony of the Beijing Olympics Games, a date which roughly coincided with our originally scheduled departure. Three years would have had us leaving right after the games, and the clocks were a constant reminder of how much time we had left here. My relationship and view of them has changed considerably over the years.

When we first discovered the large clock on the eastern side of Tiananmen Square shortly after arriving, it showed over 1,000 days. It felt then that our time in China would have no end, which was both exciting and terrifying. We soon realized that there was a similar clock by the side of a highway we often take home, and my perspective on my remaining time in China shifted as I watched the days click away. Midway through our second year, we got under 500 days and it struck me that our stay here was more than halfway over, even though it still felt new to me in many ways.

We returned from our extended U.S visit last summer in early September, with less than a year to go. Those clocks that once seemed to mock us with the huge number now taunted me in an entirely new way. Want to see the Silk Road? Only 320 days left. Still want to get to Japan? You better get busy --289 days until you leave. Think your band is going to play those cool Chinese festivals? 240 days to make it happen.

I wasn't ready to deal with any of this, and the Olympics themselves presented a logistical cluster bomb, as the Games will end August 24, about a week before our kids would have started school back in New Jersey. It was hard to figure out a non-frenzied way to get from here to there, and I began nudging Rebecca to sign on for another year.

Though open to staying, she had some professional and familial concerns. She was unsure of the career impact of so much time away from the home office and felt like we had told our families and our children that we were going to be gone for three years and we should stick to it -- a position seconded by some close family members. I viewed it as more of a fungible plan than a real commitment. After all, at the time I agreed to it I was wondering if I could last that long, not pondering adding time to our stay.

With our tenant's lease on our house in New Jersey up for renewal, we finally had to decide. We both felt a sense of relief when we committed to staying another year and signed a lease guaranteeing we'd be homeless if we changed our mind. We had prepped our kids about the possibility and they took it in a surprisingly nonchalant manner, though they immediately wanted to know which of their friends would remain through the next school year -- indeed, there will be some painful losses but we have emphasized those who will remain.

Suddenly, it seemed as though we had plenty of time to do all the things we want to do. Well, sort of. With a full year and half to go, I still sense the sand running through the hourglass -- even if there are no clocks reminding me of this fact.

当年决定是否到中国工作时，三年的派驻期使我们颇感困扰。要去一个如此远离美国的地方工作如此长时间，这种决心确实难下。我当时总在想，这相当于我又去上了一回高中或是大学，孩子们在这么长的外派期内会经历多么大的人生跨越，他们又会发生多么大的变化。

这种顾虑是我们同意前往中国前必须克服的最后一道思想障碍，我妻子白佩琪的新上司给了我们一颗定心丸。他说，“如果你真的适应不了新环境，你随时可以提前离开。”其实这不过是一句便宜话罢了，真适应不了的话除了离开还能怎样？但老板说不说这句话的效果却大不一样，我们就是听了这句承诺才抛弃顾虑决意前行的。

我们到达中国后不久，白佩琪的同事凯西•陈(Kathy Chen)说，“时间过得非常快。很快你就得考虑是否同意延长在中国的派驻期了。”说这话时她在北京的记者生涯还剩下一年。这话我们当时听来觉得匪夷所思，但现在看来绝非虚言。似乎一眨眼的工夫，当初为是否同意去中国工作而左思右想的一幕已经过去快三年了。

正因为派驻中国的时间过得如此飞快，我们不久前决定在中国再多工作一年。作出这个决定对我来说一点不难。当初如此可怕的漫漫三年事实证明还不够我们适应一段新生活的，我们甚至来不及好好享受这种候鸟式的工作-生活模式。旅行、品味北京的文化、细心体会离祖国万里之遥的人生感受，这些令人兴奋的生活我们还没享受够呢。

广告我确实遇到一些在国外度日如年，巴不得早回故里的人，但也有许多到海外工作的人并不介意常驻他乡。有些人希望尽可能长地留在海外工作，他们对雇主提供的子女免费就读私立学校等福利很感受用。这项子女教育福利对我的英国朋友们似乎特别有吸引力，他们大多不想把自己的孩子送英国的公立学校读书。还有些人已经在派驻国创办了自己的企业，或是已深深融入了当地的生活。有些人喜欢的只不过是长伴海外生活的那点冒险感，以及似乎永远是在度假的感觉，有了这种感觉即使是苦日子也会让人觉得充满情趣。有人不愿回国仅仅是对回国后的前途没有信心，因为他们已经与故国很疏远了。

我的澳大利亚籍邻居凯西•李(Kathy Lee)当年欣然随丈夫开始了为期三年的驻华之旅。而今年已经是她来北京的第七个年头了。

“三年期满，我丈夫的雇主问他是否愿意在这里再干三年，他说如果我不介意他就愿意，这让我深受感动，”她说，“我当初害怕到这儿来，但现在却觉得有点离不开了，这里唯一让我介意的只有污染，也只有污染问题才经常让我们冒出离开的念头。”

像我们这样决定延长海外派驻时间的并非少数，GMAC Global Relocation Service针对人事经理进行的工作再安置年度调查显示，26%的外派人员在海外派驻期结束后都选择了再干一期。GMAC的斯科特•沙利文(Scott Sullivan)说，越来越多选择继续留任海外的人是自己想留在那里，而非工作真的离不开。他说，这些人觉得自己擅长做海外的这份工作，他们喜欢自己目前的工作和生活，他们不想离开。

不过，虽然我当初根本没料到自己会如此适应在中国以及派驻海外的生活，但我对派驻期结束后我们重返新泽西生活的想法却从未动摇过。现在对于那些根本不打算离开中国或打算一直就这么在海外飘着的外国人我虽然已不再觉着不可思议，但这两种做法皆非我们的选择。长驻海外的日子我们恐怕这辈子再也不想过了，正因为此我才不急于翻过我们人生的这一页。

被有限期派驻海外工作后，人们常常会产生一种奇怪的感觉，总觉得有个倒计时钟在那里嘀嗒作响。这种说法对我们来说倒不完全是种比喻，北京确实有几座以2008年8月8日奥运会开幕日为截止日的巨型倒计时钟，而我们按原计划也要在这个日期前后离开中国。北京奥运会结束时我们原定的三年外派期恰好结束，因此奥运会倒计时钟便在时时提醒我们在中国的日子还剩下多久。而我与这些倒计时钟的关系以及对它们的看法在过去几年中也发生了巨大变化。

当我们来北京不久首次在天安门广场东侧看到一个巨大的奥运会倒计时钟时，钟上显示着离奥运会开幕还有1,000天。我那时看到它的感觉是我们在中国的日子长得没有尽头，想想真是既激动又害怕。我们很快发现在回家的一条必经之路旁也有这样一座倒计时钟，看着钟上的时间一天天减少，我对自己在中国剩余日子的看法也在改变。到我们在华第二年的时间过去一半时，我看到倒计时钟上显示的时间已不足500天，我猛然发现我们在中国的日子已过去一多半了，而中国在许多方面对我还是个全新的国家。

当我们去年9月初结束返美长假回到北京时，我们在中国的派驻期已剩不到一年。那些一度让我们觉得海外生活看不到头的倒计时钟突然之间让我们感觉心中一阵阵发紧。不是想去看丝绸之路吗？可在中国的日子只剩下320天了。还想去日本？那可要抓紧了，到动身时离返回美国只有289天了。想继续跟乐队一起在中国的大小节日里演出吗？这样的日子只剩240天了。

光是这些事已经把我的日程排得满满，而密集的奥运赛事同样会占据我们大量休假时间，到奥运会8月24日结束时，距我几个孩子回美国上学只剩下一周左右时间。届时要想从从容容地离华返美真是太难了，因此我开始怂恿白佩琪在中国多干一年。

她虽然答应考虑，但也有一些职业和家庭方面的顾虑。她对离开报社大本营如此长时间会对自己的职业生涯有何影响感到心中无底，并且觉得既然我们告诉家人和孩子只去中国三年，就应该信守诺言，而一些家人也认为我们应该如此。不过在我看来当初说的话并不是一项认真承诺，大可灵活掌握。毕竟，当初我同意来中国时脑子里想的只是自己能否在中国坚持上三年，哪曾想到还会主动增加一年。

由于租我们新泽西房子的人等着要续签租约，因此我们不得不尽快决定是否按期返回美国。当最终定下在中国再工作一年后，我和白佩琪都感到松了口气。我们和房客续签了租约，因此现在变卦回美国只能落得个无家可归了。我们一直在给孩子们打可能延长在华工作期的预防针，而他们令人吃惊地对此采取了一种无所谓的态度，不过孩子们马上就问他们现在的朋友谁能在中国居留到下一学年结束，肯定会有些孩子中途离开，但我们总把那些无疑会留下的孩子挂在嘴边。

突然之间，我们似乎一下子有了充足的时间来将那些想干的事一一做完。不过就算是在中国的日子还有整整一年半，我还是有一种细沙不断从沙漏中流逝的感觉，虽然几个月后就不再有倒计时钟提醒我这一点了。